This bed will be my death bed soon

what am i? what the hell am i anymore. am i anything? i have deteriorated i have wilted im not that happy cheery bubbly gay guy everyones grew to love. is that why i have lost so many friends. i dont think ill be on this earth much longer. if i dont get a savior soon i doubt ill make it through the year. i have lost so much weight its become extremely noticeable, i dont eat anymore, i dont feel the need to. no one talks to me anymore because i am turning into that kid that just faded away. my sleeping pattern is one of mystery, if i told anyone they would say i was fucked up, i cant get a job, what do i do with myself anymore. i have given up hope and i dont feel like trying for anything anymore i wish someone was here i wish someone could talk to me. ive lost so many friends from them just fading away and they dont seem to be coming back this time. ive come to realize who really cares and who was just using me, i havnt spoken to 3 of my best friends in what seems like a month. i dont even feel like going out to the clubs anymore, i wish i could just go back to the good times when everything was simple and everyone would just hang around and laugh and just be having the best times of our lives. why did i want to be 18 again?